Sometimes I believe that people are lying, like 90% of the time. I think they lie when they say, “I love you,” and they lie when they say, “I understand,” and when they say, “I’m sorry.” I sometimes think that people are selfish, self-centered, egotistical, stupid lowlifes who can’t even fully realize that you are really even there; much less care enough to process what you’re saying and give a heartfelt response. I think that all people think of is themselves, and ultimately that’s all they care about. And even for the ones who think about others and sacrafice for others; they eventually regret it. There’s a soldier from the Iraq war: Jessica Lynde or some such name. There is a soldier friend of hers who died saving Jessica’s life. DIED. As in she’s in the ground, cold and inanimate, while Jessica gets to be on tv, and recover from her injuries and go on to fame and the rest of her life. And I believe that that soldier who is now dead, and can never see her two children again, or her family, or celebrate holidays or fall in love; wishes she could trade places with Jessica. I think she would do it in jig time, if she could.
But the messed up part is: none of it matters anyway. The one thing we’ve all got is time. And I believe that all of this crap that we do is an effort to pass the time and stay alive while we wait for the inescapable death.
I don’t have any real friends, and my husband doesn’t love me.